Having written an update of tonight’s show, here we present a more light-hearted look at the final four contestants. A few weeks ago we covered in the same style the controversial figures of this winter’s TV contests: Wagner, Ann Widdecombe and Katie Waissel.
Pity Cher, Rebecca, Matt and the “One Dimension” boys. Over the last ten weeks, they’ve had to live with each other, be fodder for tabloid humiliation, and work out Dannii’s reactions underneath the botox. Having thus sympathised, read on and proceed to say your worst about them.
Cher Lloyd
Best Headline: Cher ‘Made My Life a Misery’
Best Moment: Her audition performance of ‘Turn Your Swag On’ when the ripped jeans and in-your-face attitude seemed so fresh.
Entertainment Value: Snarling around the stage, lips curled and pouting, in make-up as loud as her clothing, Cher looks like the school bully doing an impression of Dame Edna Everage.
Achilles Heel: Cockiness.
Current Odds: a best-priced 33/1 rank outsider in the final, having been as low as 4/1 at the start of November.
Prospects: The ‘Marmite’ contestant – in that you either really like her or really don’t. The fact that she has had to be saved by the judges in two of the last three sing-offs, suggests that more people are in the latter camp. Seems destined for fourth place, despite the chance to reprise ‘Turn Your Swag On’ and duet with will.i.am.
Matt Cardle
Best Headline: Matt Cardle and Wagner ‘brawl ahead of X Factor show’
Best Moment: His bootcamp version of ‘First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’ where the falsetto first came into play.
Entertainment Value: The hat and whiskers make him look like Roland Rat. That is, a version of Roland Rat singing women’s songs in a key that only dogs can hear. Is anyone going to offer a market on how many times he does the hands-together Buddha salute when listening to judges’ comments this weekend?
Achilles Heel: Comes across a blokey everyman. In fact, he was educated at a £15,000-a-year private school and lives in his parents’ gorgeous barn – more like a mansion to the ordinary man.
Current Odds: A best-priced 5/6, his price first dropped sharply towards favouritism after that bootcamp audition, and he has been pretty much at the head of the market ever since.
Prospects: The bookmakers’ favourite, perceived to be the most talented and popular contestant for some weeks. But have his chances been eroded by negative press stories and a below-par semi-final performance caused by a sore throat? He can still win it if on top form.
Rebecca Ferguson
Best Headline: Rebecca ‘Begs Louis to be Her Mentor’
Best Moment: Hard to put a finger on one performance, though her semi-final version of ‘Amazing Grace’ seemed to put her back in the running.
Entertainment Value: If Stacey Solomon could be called the ‘singing candle’ for not moving much, what does that make Rebecca, the singing candlestick? Still, we get to be reminded every few minutes that she’s a single mother who lacks confidence, though in one memorable VT, she shook off her lack of self-esteem by taking the kids to the playground in her finest Jackie O outfit.
Achilles Heel: She sends me to sleep. Is it the same for you?
Current Odds: Has always been near the head of the market, though had drifted for a couple of weeks before her semi performance. Now best-priced 3-1 second favourite.
Prospects: The opposite of Cher, in that it seems no one could dislike the sweet-natured Liverpudlian single mother. Or is that just because she’s so dull? Her smoky vocals give her a chance of winning, but she seems rooted to the spot when performing and lacks stage presence, so she may fall just short.
One Direction
Best Headline: One Direction Fans Need Treatment
Best Moment: Again, difficult to say. We liked their judges’ houses rendition of ‘Torn’ most.
Entertainment Value: We stick to our original impression that they are perfect shampoo commercial material – more telegenic than the Andrex puppy. Our personal favourite is cheeky chappy Harry doing his best impression of the Artful Dodger.
Achilles Heel: How can five young lads create such a wall of sound in every chorus?
Current Odds: They had been challenging Matt Cardle for favouritism at various points in the last month, though have drifted in the last week to 7-2 third favourites.
Prospects: Five Justin Bieber lookalikes to drive the teenage girls crazy. Simon Cowell has tried his best, but will it be enough? The perception that they are not strong vocalists and need help from the backing track may stop them winning over enough adult voters.
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