As well as “so who is going to win this thing?”, the question exercising us on the Sofabet sofa this week has been “just what will they do to Christopher Maloney?”
We may have the interesting prospect of a Sophie Habibis-style homecoming based on reports that only 30 people welcomed Chris on his arrival into Merseyside on a
cruiseship ferry on Tuesday. That’s some impressive work by the advance team, as 30 is probably about the number of random bystanders you’d expect to wander over when a camera crew sets up. We trust they got some wide-angle shots.
Almost 1000 times as many people were reported to have turned out to see Jahmene switch on the Christmas lights in Swindon. James’s homecoming, which saw him and Nicole turn up on Harley Davidsons, also sounded somewhat more exciting.
Back to Chris, and there were reports that the average age of those who bought tickets for his homecoming gig at the Liverpool Empire was 82. This might, perhaps, allow producers to suggest visually that anyone without a zimmer frame who enjoys Christopher’s singing should take a long, hard look at themselves.
We can get further clues from the treatment last year of Marcus Collins, another Liverpudlian beloved of nans but not producers. They chose his worst-performing song of the series for him to reprise (we’ll have to wait for the stats to come out to see if they did the same for Christoper). And instead of giving him an upbeat big production for ‘Last Christmas’, they made Marcus shuffle about all alone on a big stage with only a couple of patio heaters for company.
Given how much Christopher struggled with his Michael Buble cover last week, we expect producers will have lined up something similarly unsuitable, and preferably requiring him to dance.
Most of all, though, we’re expecting him to be killed with kindness. We anticipate he’ll be told over and over again how well he’s done to get this far and how a glittering stage career now awaits whatever the result – that is, giving his fans minimal motivation to reach for the phone. Fans of James and Jahmene, however, will no doubt be repeatedly told that only a win can prevent the poor lads from being sucked back into the bedsits of Saltburn and the aisles of Asda respectively.
How have you read this week’s press, and how are you expecting Christopher to be treated this weekend? As ever, do share your thoughts below.