NO GROUP SONG, JUDGES?
Obviously that was mortifying. Moving on to tonight’s shitfest of glorious mediocrity, let’s assess the lay of the land.
Up first was everyone’s favourite sob story, Toni Warne. I hoped this would be the week that we would learn to love Toni’s voice and not have to hear about her baldness (the same baldness she seems to cover in VTs yet style out in performances). Unfortunately, Toni’s vocal was worthy of her early placing – that is to say it was terrible. Will it be good-bye to Toni tomorrow? I’m not so sure but her voice didn’t do her any favours tonight. It was positively karaoke.
Max, who has historically looked good with most bookmakers, didn’t receive the boosting he would have needed to become a front-runner tonight. His performance was solid and certainly more reminiscent of his excellent audition than the ridiculous thrusting he’s been responsible for in recent weeks. If he were to have an advantage it would be his looks and charm but he has a clear challenger on Danny’s team – more on that later.
This really was Ruth-Ann’s last chance and she blew it. It really isn’t acceptable for a singer to miss so many notes at this stage in the competition and the only thing that might carry Ruth-Ann through is sympathy. Is it possible that she did badly enough to rally support out of pity? Danny “Pitch Perfect” O’Donoghue didn’t seem to think so.
Hannah Berney didn’t exactly make the greatest impression either. Taking a song as simple and, for want of a better word, sexy as Justin Timberlake’s Cry Me A River and turning it into a number from We Will Rock You is a dire achievement. The distracting comments from coaches was reminiscent of classic X Factor sabotage but Hannah’s voice was impressive so it would be nice to think she has a chance of making it through. Jessie did reiterate the show’s ethos in pointing out the arbitrary nature of big production on a show called The Voice.
I think if Vince Kidd was on X Factor (which to be accurate, he was) I would find his spiel very annoying. On a show like The Voice, however, with all its very dull contestants, Vince is the standout artist, stylistically. Vince seems safe in general but Danny’s comment about him succeeding to the next round “without a shadow of a doubt” could be meant to dampen support.
Next up was Aleks Josh, for whom I predicted a breakout performance tonight. I think, to some extent, that did happen with Aleks’ rendition of Dream A Little Dream Of Me – a number aimed perfectly at both horny teenagers and Buble-crazed housewives. His journey took its next step, his voice improved and I will eat my hat if Aleks doesn’t make it through this week. I could well see him in the semi-finals.
Cassius was underwhelming next. The references to risk taking were a bit silly, bearing in mind the fact that Cassius’ arrangement was 100% R’n’B and he didn’t face the challenge of arranging the song. I’m still turned off by Cassius. I feel like he must be in the bottom two tomorrow.
My first big shock of the night came as David Julien did not receive the pimp slot. Having said that, I think his appeal is great enough that he will be safe as houses with the voting public and a positioning of 8th leaves the floor open for David to get pimped at a later stage. It was all a bit like a poor man’s Matt Cardle wailing in falsetto but I don’t doubt David’s chances of connecting with the public.
ONCE AGAIN: I worked for over a year as a shelf-stacker in a supermarket. It’s not hard and Sundays pay really well.
I’m definitely into Becky Hill. Even with her ridiculously unnecessary wire and poor song choice, Becky’s voice stood out and her appeal to the audience is obvious. She’s young, a bit all over the place but with an undeniably distinctive vocal tone (i.e. she needs to cough but it sounds nice). Are we confident that Becky is safe? I think so.
So that left the pimp slot to everyone’s favourite aristocrat, Frankie Cocozza.
Sorry, I meant Alex Parks.
Sorry, Katie Waissel.
Nope, it was Bo Bruce. Now, where are The Beeb going with this one? Her only dance move is bending at the knees and, whilst her tone is nice, she can only really do one thing and it’s quite boring. That all aside, her ill mum did not trump Ruth Brown’s dead dad (I’m sorry, but the VTs are cynical so I will be too).
So how do we rate Bo’s chances? Is it time to take her seriously in the win market? Surely her aristocratic backstory and moody demeanour are too huge a hurdle to overcome? Then again, they said a girlband would never win X Factor. Still, Little Mix found a niche and stuck to it, pandering for better or worse to a certain demographic. Bo just doesn’t feel like someone who can inspire a huge section of The Voice’s audience to vote. Equally, to become Danny’s top placed contestant, she still has a way to keep running up that hill. The other four all have an easier job in connecting with the people at home.
David and Becky still seem well on track. By my estimations, Max’s chances have slipped somewhat whilst Aleks’ have risen in their place. Bo is obviously favoured somewhat. Vince seems too strong to go without at least some votes.
I see Ruth-Ann, Cassius, Hannah and Toni as the four most likely to hit the danger zone. Having said that, I was way off last week.
Let us know what you think. And let us know the minute you catch wind of any leaks. That’s why we love you.